Saturday, July 09, 2005

Been awhile...

well.. since the last I blogged.. so much has happened... it's unbelieveable... dun think I'm quite out of those woods yet...

Sadly, my grandma didn't make it past Father's fact that very evening.. she passed on.. I was with her from the night before right up to the very last moment.. of her final breath.. it all just happened so fast.. 9 months from when we found out.. till the 19th of June her final day..

She was my everything... brought me up.. scolded me.. loved me to bits.. and was always generous with $ whenever I was low.. :) but above all that.. I could talk to her. . and tell her stuff one normally doesn't discuss with grandma.. that's the sort of adult relationship we had.. she understood me... and now she's gone...

I dread taking a 14 home coz it passes her place and she's not at the porch sitting watching buses go by.. or playing her mahjong... having her tea... i'll miss going there to help her make tarts or more like eat them.. i'll miss her cakes & cooking... and as always.. her smell. I'm as emotional as i was the day she left as I am now.. typing this... whatever i've held back in.. just comes out...

On the surface i may seem ok.. but inside.. i dunno... why do bad things all happen at once.. and the good things... come once in a blue freaking moon? i'm trying my best to stay as positive as i can but it's hard

Many things happened during her funeral.. which I will tell in another day n time.. coz that makes my blood boil... and things happening after.. work.. social.. somewhat love life..

I was devasted when Keith passed away... and now my Nano... not even within a year... life is indeed unpredictable and short... so i guess the best is to live life like there's no tomorrow and live it to the fullest?

I will never really be OK.. i'll just keep it locked away and only open up when I want to.. i guess.
The pain is just too much... maybe that's why my heart can't deal with any more heartbreaks.. and I've built up the wall again? Or will it crumble.. alas that's another story.. so owe you'll 2... haha

1 comment:

Sopha said...

Hello! This is Sopha. I guess u'l be surprised 2see this message. Wel, m one of Mongkol's student.

Wel, I think i can understand ur sadness well cuz i used 2 experience the same things - within just a year, i lost my two beloved grandfathers :(

Guess, everyone is like u - always wishes tomorrow not to come esp. when they r in happiness. But that's absolutely impossible, for tomorrow is another day; things can change or come in unexpectedly. Then why don't v prepare ourself wel for those unpredictable changes.
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