On a Day like Today....

I've actually been thinking back.. and thinking about now.. and then again of the future... and I really wonder... about a lot...
I've come to the point where career wise.. I've accomplished it.. and it's all about maintaining and growing.. so that I can retire by 40.. (had to move it up a bit).
I don't have it all yet though.. and I wonder if by being career minded did I kinda slack in the love department?
Or have I been so out of the game that I dun really know how to get back in?
It's not that I want to be alone.. heck.. I do want to be with somebody.. not just anybody but someone who makes me laugh, supports me, allows me to be me, gets on well with my family/frens..
A psychic once said I'll meet that guy when I'm 27 and be married within the year.. well I'm 27 now and in a matter of days I'll be 28.. so... think that psychic was wrong.... unless something happens within a matter of days which I so doubt!
I think in the love dept.. I've failed.. Had only one long relationship of 4 years which didn't amount to anything... had a few short term relationships.. some too short to be called a relationship haha.. but anyways nothing serious since the age of 22.
Had my heart broken a few times... by one fella.. then decided to call it quits with guys (but still remained straight!) despite the disappoinments..
Thought that by going away my luck would change.. it did.. i moved on from single guys to married guys.. without knowing it till too late.. and of course. i ended it promptly coz.. there's just no point.. what goes around comes around i believe..
And that brings me to this year.. after I turned 27.. i remembered what that psychic said.. and thought ok.. 2005's a hopeful year... let's cross fingers..
But.. it's mid-nov.. and well.. no such luck. I've met a few guys here n there and well.. we've remained nothing more than friends...
And this one guy I met recently.. well.. i jus really dunno... I like him.. and we're friends.. my close friends say to take it slow.. and I am... I hate always having to make the 1st move.. but have been.. And I have no idea where the hell this is going.. it's frustrating.. I dun wanna push my luck and lose the friendship.. like in the past.. where I'm too eager and well.. slowly I dun hear from the guy.. oh well.. life goes on... I move on.. and am happy for them when I hear they're attached or getting married.. coz it probably wasn't meant to be..
Sometimes it is better to have loved n lost than never to have loved at all...
And I seriously wonder.. is there really someone out there for me? Or is my page meant to be solo-flying? I'd really like to know so I can deal with the emotions..
If there's someone made for me.. then i'll keep the spirits up...
If there isn't.. then better I know now.. so I can lock the heart & throw away the key and focus on my career and making $$ to retire even bfore i'm 40..
But.. but.. but... how am I to know rite? Only the one up there does.. and when he wants me to know it.. i'll know it.. and in the meantime.. I put my heart on my sleeve and deal with the up & down emotions of crushes, likes etc etc.. damn.. i'm 28.. thought you only feel this where ur in ur teens... oh well
On a Day like Today.. it started off fine.. but guess my tiredness got d better of me.. and I had to let it all out.. hope I feel better tomorro..
gonna chill & vent frustrations even more now...how? hahah.. for me to know...

** To he who must not be named... if only you knew... **
** To he who has been there for me so long.. boy, if only you could help me... **
** To he who I have not heard from in so long.. I hope you're reading this and say hi someday soon... **
** To he who is gone from our lives... if you can help me.. please do... **
** To he who thought of giving up hope on women until recently.. bro, there is hope.. **