Progress... Or Maybe Not...

These past few days.. I felt that things were progressing.. or maybe I was wrong..
And then today... I let my guard down.. and flirted a bit.. and I know I didn't get carried away but I dunno.. somehow.. something he said.. kinda hit me.. and I just shut up straight.. kept quiet.. all the way home.. he felt it.. i know that..
Yet.. I dunno.. I just dunno...
Sometimes I feel I should just come out and tell him how I feel... and see if it's mutual.. yet I'm scared that if it's not.. then I'm gonna lose a good friend I've made..
And what if what he says it's true.. he'd rather make more friends than enemies.. and sees me as just a friend who shares common interests...
But there's something else he said earlier tonight which just keeps running in my head.. and I dunno if it means something or anything but knowing me.. I jump to conclusions...
I'm trying to do this with not only my heart but my head but am wondering if either or is hindering the process... what if my coolness has put him off?? Makes him think I just wanna be friends.. but at the same.. when I try to be closer.. I get mixed reactions or better yet.. the wrong reaction..
Man.. this is driving me crazy.. what the hell am I supposed to do...
Firstly he's single.. and obviously not seeing anyone.. (or maybe that's what I think)
We enjoy each other's company.. and are getting to know each other better...
I know why he needs a woman's company... I guess I haven't really said why I need a man's company...
Truth is.. I just want his company... why?? Coz.. he makes me smile.. he never fails to make me laugh.. he's strong.. in faith, in belief, in so many things.. he's determined.. and strong-willed.. he listens.. he talks to me... not at me.. he sees me as equal... basically.. he makes me happy... and that's all I want.. someone to make me happy and he's all that.. and more for me...
so why is it so hard for me to tell him how I feel?? coz I hate rejection.. having experienced that so many times..
It's raining now.. and all I can think about is what it'd be like cuddling up with him.. just that..
Patience.. i guess is a virtue I have.. but when it comes to this kinda thing... I think I lack big big time...
I pray for guidance.. and patience.. and some sorta sign... that it's mutual..
if it's not. then I can move on...
Romance has broke down... or maybe i've become to cynical to business like when it comes to love.. that it's basically I make an offer and if it's refused.. fine.. thank you sir, move on or not or just pretend it never happened.
I wonder if he knows how happy I am when he's with me... regardless of what we're doing... just being with him is happiness for me...
And I lament more.... in my sleep in my dreams...
what more can I do but hope n pray that he's the one..
he makes me happy and that's all I every asked for...