From then..till now...

On d way over to meet my friend Damien at Tampines Starbucks... to discuss tarts & such.. I was listening to my iTunes on my phone.. and these 3 songs shuffled out...

Mariah Carey's - My All
Gavin De Graw's - I Don't Wanna Be
Christina Aguilera's - Reflections

And thru that trio of songs.. only one face kept popping up in my mind... and I realised that I have loved only one person from the time I was 17 until now... the love changed over the years.. and before it could re-develop he was taken from me.. and I guess I'll never know..

I'm an old soul already.. means that this life I'm living is my '2nd coming' to finish unfinished business.. but when it comes to matters of the heart.. I guess I'll have to wait till my next lifetime.. to see him again...

I don't show it much but I'm actually a lot weaker than everybody thinks.. my shoulder's heavy and I wish to lessen the load, but I am responsible and I dun cave so easily.. such is my nature.. I have that much patience.. or so I think?

I know he wouldn't want me to be living in the past and want me to move on but I need strength and he was my pillar.. and if he could just go like that.. what's to say when my time will be?? Am I ready to 'move on' and leave everything behind..

Morbid I know.. but it's jus thoughts I've been having off and on.. and lately.. so many what ifs... so many risks to take.. so many roads to choose and I dun wanna keep making mistakes.. new ones especially.. I should be learning from the old mistakes already and not make any new ones.. but I'm not perfect.. and i guess nobody expects me to be.. but again.. another trait of mine is perfection as I see fit..

I'm babbling... hahah.. but I've always found it easier to pen my thoughts down.. it just flows...

I've had to let go of a few friendships recently.. not sure if for the better..
one for mistrust.. and I didn't want to get involved
two for well.. my misunderstanding that's just made things awkward.. can't be the same..
three for well.. I couldn't take being the guinea pig and worrying about problems that were not mine.. as if mine wern't enuf

that's a lot for me.. but i've come 28 years so far.. and i've made made many good frens, a few best frens, hopefully no enemies and well.. lost a few..

Then comes the best trait of them all.. I'm a LONER.. heck I just enjoy doing my own thing.. not to be bothered and being lost in my own world.. hahah... yups..

Moving On... Moving Forward... Moving Away... stay tuned!